Layton Caleb Lawson

August 30, 2017

Hello, crafty friends.  It's been a long time.  All I can say is that there is a very good reason why I took a hiatus from my creative little corner in the paper crafting world.  Very soon, I will be coming back to it.  But first, I want to share someone with you.

This is Layton Caleb.  He is the little guy that I announced being pregnant with in this post on Valentine's Day in 2016.

Not long after that announcement, we found out that Layton had some health issues.  That he would need considerable medical care.  So we transferred care to Minneapolis, MN.  I went into labor with Layton the evening after our first full day of appointments in Minneapolis, and he made his arrival via c-section on June 9th, 2016 at 1:32am.

Layton was 11 weeks early.  So, along with 2 major health issues...we also added prematurity & chronic lung disease to the mix.

For 5 months, I spent most of my time in his nursery, by his bedside.  Holding him if he was stable enough, advocating for him as best I could, and trying to soak up every moment with him that I could.

We knew that he would be a lifelong heart patient.  We knew that he would have a very rocky start.  And although we knew that nothing was guaranteed, we didn't expect to lose him.

Layton passed away on November 17th, 2016 due to a complication from a medical procedure.  The boy who was starting to thrive, and not just survive, was taken from us.

Needless to say, we were devastated.  Truthfully, we still are.  But each day, we find a way to live with the devastation.  We find a way to be sad and joyful at the same time.  In all honesty - we've been doing this since losing Arabella Grace in 2015.

If you would like to read more about Layton's short life here on earth, my husband kept a beautiful Caring Bridge Journal for him.  You have to create a sign-on to access anything on Caring Bridge, but I believe they make it pretty easy - I just used my Facebook profile to create one.  I would suggest reading from the beginning, so when you click into the journal, be sure to change the sort option to "oldest to newest".  There are more photos in each post, as well in the gallery.

Life hasn't been fair to us when it comes to starting a family.  Our hearts have been shattered...twice.  And we've been left to pick up the pieces.  It hasn't been easy.  Especially for me.

After Layton died, I didn't know if I would ever do anything creative again.  I didn't want to be a photographer any longer.  I couldn't look at my crafting supplies.  So, I signed out of my email and closed up my Scrapbox.  And I grieved.

I will grieve forever.  But at the same time, I am healing.  And as I've continued to heal little by little...the side of me that craves creativity is coming back.

Recently I've worked on re-branding my photography business.  If you would like to check that out, here is the link:

And just a week ago, I was able to unpack my crafting supplies.  While I didn't want to look at them anyways, I really haven't had access to my supplies since Layton was born.  We lived in limbo between Fargo & Minneapolis until closing on our home at the end of May.  It is much smaller than our home in Fargo, so finding places for everything to go has been a {welcomed} challenge.  It is a cute little house that is slowly but surely becoming "home".

I look forward to spending some time in my craft area in the very near future.  I need to get updated on what's been going on in my little industry since I've been gone.  So, feel free to share with me in the comments!  Are there any new stamp companies or shops that I need to be aware of?  How about blog challenges?  Any new amazing stampers that I need to check out?  Please share!

And last, but not least...if you find yourself going through something hard like this, please feel free to reach out.  I understand pretty much every aspect of infertility, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, in utero medical diagnoses, prematurity, NICU stays, and infant loss.  And I will stand with you in whatever place you happen to be in.  I won't have words to make it better, because there are none.  But I will listen to you, cry with you and just be present.

Honestly - I have no idea if anyone ever checks on this blog any longer or not.  But if you do, I just wanted to let you know a little bit about our story from the past 15 months.

And I will be back creating very soon.