We had a genetics test done when I was 12 weeks along, and I've known for 7 weeks that we are having a sweet little baby girl. I've been on cloud 9. Purchasing the softest, girliest, sweetest items to dress her up in once she made her arrival in October. We've named her Arabella Grace. We call her Ellie when we talk about her. We've only told our parents & some of our closest friends that she is a girl, because I really wanted to announce it with photos.
What I didn't know is that at the same time I would be telling you we are having a little girl...I would also be telling you that everything is uncertain at this point. Our genetics test came back with perfect results. But my cloud 9 came crashing down this past week when we went in for our 20 week ultrasound & received very little good news.
What we know is that there is little to no amniotic fluid around her, which means her lungs cannot develop properly. They also examined the placenta & cord, and while there is a flow between them...she is not getting enough nutrients & blood. Her heart is having to work to hard trying to get what she can, causing the thickening of her heart walls & fluid around her heart. Along with all of this...most likely because of all this...she is almost two weeks behind in size. The doctor said something like 1 percentile. I hate percentiles.
The good news that we have is that she is alive. Her heart rate is strong. Her brain & spinal cord look good. And although hard for them to see, she does have kidneys and they appear to be working.
The next few weeks are a waiting game. Waiting until I am 24 weeks along. Praying & hoping & pleading that she be a little fighter & that her heart keeps beating. On June 30th I have an appointment with a high risk OB, where I am scheduled for a detailed ultrasound & an echocardiogram on her heart. This is when they will tell us what our options are. This is where we will find out if her survival is possible after delivery, and when that will happen. It is when we might have consultations with the NICU and pediatric cardiologist. Until then...we wait. Three weeks. Time has never felt so slow before.
While trying to remain hopeful & positive...I am hurting. I am broken. I am scared. I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do to fix this. We are at an intersection of utter desperation & total reliance on God. The only thing I can really do is pray for her. Talk to her & cheer her on. And pray some more.
If you could, please send up some prayers of healing & health for our little girl. For strength, wisdom & peace for us. We really need them right now.
I need something too. Please don't avoid me. I know that this is a hard situation to know what to say...but I'm not easily offended. I promise. I know that 99% of the time people mean well, even if something doesn't come out quite right. Mostly...I just need to feel supported & loved right now.
You can call me. Email me. Text me. Message me on Facebook. I might not reply right away...but I will reply.
I also wanted to say thank you to Lindsay from Lindsay Kaye Photography for taking our photos & being so supportive as we stumble along this scary path. We really appreciate it.