I made a card this weekend. I don't know how I feel about it. Sitting at my crafting area, which has been closed & packed up for months now, felt vaguely familiar but so very different. As I sat at my desk uninterrupted, I grieved over the fact that Ellie wasn't here to pull me away from it when she needed me. This isn't how it's supposed to be.
I didn't know where to start. I perused the list of challenge sites on my blog, and checked out the blogs of some of my favorite stamp companies. Finally I pulled out some products to use, prompted by a challenge to use a specific stamp set from WPlus9. I'm thankful that it is a stamp set that makes me think of my Ellie...how I would have loved to watch her hang ornaments upon our Christmas tree each year.
And this is what came of it.
I know I probably sound a tad apathetic about this. In a way...that is the truth. I've become indifferent to a lot of things that once meant more to me. Some of that indifference is good, because those things that I thought meant something were really of little to no value. I know that isn't the case with creating. I know there is value in it. I don't want to be indifferent to it. So I am trying to find a way to make it feel safe...like I am not moving on or past my sweet baby girl. I am trying to make it instead, synonymous with Ellie. That I think of her while I create.
Things about this card that make me think of Ellie? Well...the cute little girl hanging the stars for one. And the gold. Her nursery was going to be blush pink, gold & white/cream. With hints of mint. It would have been a really pretty nursery. Soft & sweet....just like her.