Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Capture Your Grief - Day 14 - Share Your Heart
It can burst with love in the same moment it feels shattered in a million pieces. It can rage & feel peace together. All I know is grief is awful & beautiful at the same time.
While my heart & my mind seem to shuffle through about a million different emotions each day, I've clung to one thing in these past 3 months.
I believe that God is good, that His plan is perfect, and He has a purpose for my life.
I don't say that lightly. I say that as a woman who has sat crumpled on the floor, feet away from the ashes of my 1 pound, 1 ounce daughter, with tears streaming down my face as I've told my creator that I still believe.
I'm still getting the basics of life back on track right now. And that's okay. I hit rock bottom the moment that my daughter died, and it takes time to pull yourself out of a pit like that.
But I'm not doing it alone. It's only by the grace of God that I've made it as far as I have.
I don't know what my future holds right now. All of the plans that I had for the future included Arabella, and I'm just not in a place where I can move past them. I've had to let them go, but I'm not ready to start dreaming again.
So I wait. I wait upon the Lord in hopes that He will reveal some of His plan to me. I wait as my heart continues to heal, bit by bit, little by little. I wait for the time when it feels safe to dream again.
Until then, I will continue to believe that God is good, His plan is perfect and He has a purpose for my life.