We need your prayers.

**Photos by Lindsay Kaye Photography.**

We had a genetics test done when I was 12 weeks along, and I've known for 7 weeks that we are having a sweet little baby girl.  I've been on cloud 9.  Purchasing the softest, girliest, sweetest items to dress her up in once she made her arrival in October.  We've named her Arabella Grace.  We call her Ellie when we talk about her.  We've only told our parents & some of our closest friends that she is a girl, because I really wanted to announce it with photos.

What I didn't know is that at the same time I would be telling you we are having a little girl...I would also be telling you that everything is uncertain at this point.  Our genetics test came back with perfect results.  But my cloud 9 came crashing down this past week when we went in for our 20 week ultrasound & received very little good news.

What we know is that there is little to no amniotic fluid around her, which means her lungs cannot develop properly.  They also examined the placenta & cord, and while there is a flow between them...she is not getting enough nutrients & blood.  Her heart is having to work to hard trying to get what she can, causing the thickening of her heart walls & fluid around her heart.  Along with all of this...most likely because of all this...she is almost two weeks behind in size.  The doctor said something like 1 percentile.  I hate percentiles.

The good news that we have is that she is alive.  Her heart rate is strong.  Her brain & spinal cord look good.  And although hard for them to see, she does have kidneys and they appear to be working.

The next few weeks are a waiting game.  Waiting until I am 24 weeks along.  Praying & hoping & pleading that she be a little fighter & that her heart keeps beating.  On June 30th I have an appointment with a high risk OB, where I am scheduled for a detailed ultrasound & an echocardiogram on her heart.  This is when they will tell us what our options are.  This is where we will find out if her survival is possible after delivery, and when that will happen.  It is when we might have consultations with the NICU and pediatric cardiologist.  Until then...we wait.  Three weeks.  Time has never felt so slow before.

While trying to remain hopeful & positive...I am hurting.  I am broken.  I am scared.  I feel helpless.  There is nothing I can do to fix this.  We are at an intersection of utter desperation & total reliance on God.  The only thing I can really do is pray for her.  Talk to her & cheer her on.  And pray some more.

If you could, please send up some prayers of healing & health for our little girl.  For strength, wisdom & peace for us.  We really need them right now.

I need something too.  Please don't avoid me.  I know that this is a hard situation to know what to say...but I'm not easily offended.  I promise.  I know that 99% of the time people mean well, even if something doesn't come out quite right.  Mostly...I just need to feel supported & loved right now.

You can call me.  Email me.   Text me.  Message me on Facebook.  I might not reply right away...but I will reply.

I also wanted to say thank you to Lindsay from Lindsay Kaye Photography for taking our photos & being so supportive as we stumble along this scary path.  We really appreciate it. 

Comments

  1. Arabella Grace, such a lovely name! Thank you for sharing with us your struggles. I have often wondered how things are going. Praying for Ellie, and you to stay strong!

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  2. Praying for you and your family. I love her name, so sweet and lovely. 💗

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  3. sending all my love & strength to you and yours, lea. you and your baby girl will be in my thoughts.

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  4. Sending many prayers for your sweet Ellie and for you. (((hugs)))

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  5. My oldest is Arabella Joy. It took time and help to get pregnant, and then she came 6 weeks early. We didn't realize that her name's meaning, "answered prayer", would be so fitting. In whatever way He chooses to answer all these prayers, your daughter's life will be a testimony to His grace and goodness. <3

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  6. I will be praying for you, your hubby, and that sweet baby girl! <3

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  7. oh my goodness, what a difficult situation. waiting and wondering with no power to "fix" it. I wish I had magic words that would make it all go away. My thoughts are with you, your husband, and Ellie HUGS.

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  8. Lea and Josh, My heart hurts for you, but know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers daily. My hope is that little Arabella Grace is a strong little fighter. She has to be....it runs in the family! Sending prayers....Love you! Aunt Amy, Denny, Rylee and Molly

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  9. Prayers your way! Trust the Lord with all you heart and lean not unto your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

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  10. Beautiful name, you and your family are in my prayers. God listens!

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  11. Oh Lea I am so sorry you are being dealt these trials!! My prayers are with you and your sweet baby girl!

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  12. Lea, I'm so sorry you and your husband are having to walk such a difficult path! I will be praying prayers of healing for your precious little girl and for all of you right now.

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  13. Lea, your photos are gorgeous and I know Ellie will be too! Hugs and prayers go out to you and your family.

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  14. Oh sweet girl! My thoughts and prayers are certainly with you.

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  15. I am praying for your precious cargo. God has her tucked right there close to your heart. She is comforted by you always being close. In the Bible: Fear not, for I am with you says the Lord my God. Blessings for your perfect baby girl.

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  16. Oh, sweet Lea! I'm praying for you, Josh, and little Arabella! The wait must be very hard, and I hope time will pass quickly. I'm glad her heartbeat is strong--she sounds like a little fighter. If I can do anything for you, please let me know. Prayers and big hugs, my friend!!

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  17. praying healing scriptures over you and your precious daughter, that you both get and receive what you need to thrive and grow. That she is safe and receives all the nutrients that she needs to keep going and over come this battle.

    He will call on me, says the Lord, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
    16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

    no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
    11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
    12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

    blessing to you and your family!

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  18. Oh Lea, I know I am just a stranger on the internet who follows your blog, but I want you to know that I'm lifting you and your family up right now. Sending lots of good thoughts and so much love your way.

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  19. Lea I am in tears reading this. I can't imagine what you are feeling but I do know that miracles happen everyday. My prayers are with you and I would give you a huge hug if I could!

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  20. Lea and Josh, Thom and I are holding you in our hearts at this very scary time. I'm so sorry that you have to go down this path. But you are not alone. Much love, Thom and Jennie Pak

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  21. Oh Lea! Will be praying for you over these next couple weeks for sure - for peace and comfort, and for God to hold you very near at this time! Praying for a perfect baby girl for you, and trusting that God has great things planned for you all! Hugs and love!!!

    housesbuiltofcards@gmail.com
    www.housesbuiltofcards.blogspot.com

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  22. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I have tears right now because I know how precious moments like these are. I will be praying for you and your family. You should know that many people have faced similar situations. My mom went through this with her 1st 2 pregnancies and lost both children, but she didn't give up. She has always said that my sister and I are her 2 greatest accomplishments. I am hoping and praying for the best for you guys.

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  23. Stay strong Lea & Josh - babies are real little fighters and I will be praying for you xx

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  24. Oh Lea, my heart is breaking. But all is not lost and i will be praying that your sweet daughter will stay strong. Big hugs!

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  25. lea...we are wishing you well and sending our prayers your way. stay strong and positive.

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  26. Prayers, hun. I have been thinking about you all day, love. Hugs and love.

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  27. Praying, for your beautiful family - your faith, strength and courage are already amazing; little Ellie is drawing from that.

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  28. Arabella Grace, what a beautiful name, is fighting this fight with everything she has and more, thanks to her amazing parents who are cheering her on from the sidelines and constantly letting her know how much she is love, cared for and supported. May God grant you the peace, wisdom, love and courage to walk this difficult journey. Be strong. You are all in our thoughts and prayers. love and hugs

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  29. Praying for you and thinking of you and your family. Love, Karin

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  30. Sending prayers for you at this difficult time of waiting and wondering. As I read your words, a Bible passage came into my mind - God speaking in Isaiah 43 "when you walk through the waters I'll be with you, you will never sink beneath the waves". I came across a (to me) rather lovely piece of music that uses those words and more from Isaiah 43 that I thought I would share as well http://www.classicfm.com/composers/stopford/music/do-not-be-afraid/#Xp5rXWWBO4spsOV6.97

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  31. A giant hug for you, Lea and prayers that little Arabella Grace keeps up the good work until she can be in your arms.

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  32. Thinking of you and the journey you have in front. Hugs & prayers..x

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  33. May God answer your prayers and those of us also praying for your family. May your faith carry you through whatever his answer may be, just know your sweet girl is always in God's hands. hugs....

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  34. Love her name! GOD will hear our prayers for her and is there to guide you through this be strong, be still, be patient and let GOD breathe life into her and believe he will come through for you in this time. GOD is good. Thank you Jesus for healing this child, for forming and strnghten her lungs and hear. Thank you for providing all the nutrition she needs until that day you give her life. Thank you for being there and standing beside this family and helping them through this and showing them that you are still the one in charge. Give them the sign and the good news from the doctors that you are still working to form and mold life into this precious jewel. In JESUS name father we ask you to touch this child and her parents and the doctors. AMEN!

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  35. I visit your blog but have never commented. I'm sending you and your baby prayers for health and strength.

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  36. So sorry to hear your news and wishing for the best. As a person who has struggled with fertility my heart is right there with you. I will think about you, your husband and little one often. Good luck and just know I'll be sending you positive wishes from NY.
    Big big hugs for your strong little one.
    Brandi Hall

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  37. Praying for you, your family and your little one.
    Kim

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  38. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. Lea, rest and drink lots of water! I'm no doctor 😉 just a blessed mother of 3. Sleep and water are my cures for everything! God is good!

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  39. Our dear God and heavenly Father. You knit us together in our mother's womb. Your loving hands hold all things and in You all things are held together. Please bless Lea and her little one.You are the God of creation, the God of miracles, surround them with your love goodness and healing this day, I pray.

    That's what I will continue to pray for you, dear Lea.
    A blog reader friend

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  40. Wishing you all well and a happy and healthy baby. Not an easy time I'm sure, but stay strong and think positive, Jx your photos are lovely by the way.

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  41. Hi, we have never met but I am Josh's cousin. Tim Lawson's daughter. We have been following your story and have been so thrilled with your pregnancy announcement. We are so sorry to hear the latest news but we are praying for you three! We can't not imagine what you are going through but we are here for you and will continue to shower yall in prayer

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  42. wishing you all well and praying for you.

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  43. I love the name you chose. What a difficult time for you... may you find comfort in the Lord's arms wrapped around you. Xo

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  44. What beautiful pictures! I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time.
    ~Cindi from Washington State (p.s. remember me from Scrappin Trends?) :)
























    cind

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  45. This brings hot tears to me eyes. I certainly will lift your precious daughter up in prayer. I'm passing along your information so that others can do the same. God bless your family and keep her in His loving care. My thoughts will be with you. I lost 5 pregnancies and know the scared horror of not knowing what can happen. Good news is I have three healthy, beautiful children. Be strong and keep talking to your precious baby girl. She feels your love.

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  46. Absolutely sending prayers up for you and that sweet babe...girls are fighters!

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  47. Thinking of and praying for you and Ellie, love! I'm so sorry you all have to go through this. Hang in there, and keep trusting your Savior. He has you both in the palm of his hand. Hugs!

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  48. Sending you love and praying for Ellie.

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  49. holding you and Arabella Grace close to my heart...sending out huge Texas size prayers for you.

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  50. Lea ~ I am thinking of you and sending you wishes for hope and good news and much joy. A great big HUG, too. I hope you and your husband find strength in one another. The love you two share will be more than enough to get you through this and whatever the future may hold. XOXO ~Regina

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  51. Lea, you have my prayers for your sweet little girl and for you and your husband as well. I can only imagine what a difficult waiting game this is for you. My heart goes out. I will be praying that she's a little fighter and that this story has a very happy ending. Big hugs to you all <3

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  52. I thought I'd posted yesterday but it is not showing up. I'm so sorry you and Josh are facing such uncertainty. Just know all your ninja sisters are pulling for you and little "Ellie" and wishing for a joyful outcome. You will always be close to our hearts even if you don't visit the dojo anymore. ;-). Much love, Marieke

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  53. Oh Lea! I will pray for you and your sweet baby girl! I pray the Lord will carry you during these weeks and months ahead! Our God is a God of miracles! Hugs!

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  54. oh, Lea! my heart is breaking for you and your family. I will be praying. Praying for your sweet girl, that she is a fighter and that the doctors can bring you good news. Lifting you up.

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  55. I'm praying for you and your sweet Ellie! Many hugs!

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  56. Lea, you've been on my heart since I read this. I'm praying. And I'll keep praying. 💛💛💛

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  57. Praying for you, your husband and sweet baby girl.

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  58. Oh Lea, sad news to hear. And the wait feels so long in such times... I'll be praying for you and your family, miracles still happen. Hugs!!

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  59. I'm sending tons of hugs and prayers your way! Sweet little Ellie is in my thoughts and so are her amazing parents.

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  60. Lea my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hugs!

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  61. Lea, I will be praying for your and sweet little Ellie. God will do what's best. Stay strong and healthy for her.

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  62. my prayers are with you. I hope everything turns out ok. She seems like a fighter already!

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  63. Lea, I pray for you and your precious girl. God protect and makes her strong!! I believe it!!!!

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  64. I will also add my best wishes and prayers for your little girl too Lea. I am sure all these prayers will help , love to you and your family....stay strong xx

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  65. Sending prayers for your Ellie and for you and your husband as well. Big hugs!

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  66. Lea, I stop by your blog every once in awhile to see your beautiful cards. So sorry to hear of your situation. I'm sending lots of positive, caring thoughts and prayers your way to you, your baby, and your family. Stay strong, take care of yourself, and know that many of us care.

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  67. I am so very sorry to hear your news Lea and I'm heartbroken for you too. I am praying that your little Ellie will be just fine and please keep us posted. You're right about having to put this at the foot of the Cross. Prayer is your strongest weapon and I know you and your husband are spending a lot of time on your knees. Hugs, love and blessings. Cindy

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  68. Sending (((hugs))) and prayers to you, your husband, and Ellie. You need to try and stay positive and strong for your little fighter... she can not do it alone and needs your help and Gods healing hands.

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  69. It's at times like this when words fail and I am so thankful that the Bible promises us that His Spirit intercedes for us with groanings that cannot be uttered. There is a song by Craig Courtney called "My Wordless Prayer" - I'm sure this is how you feel, Lea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouLgCRP-U-I "Spirit, come and rest your ear upon my heart, oh come and hear my wordless prayer...speak in tones unknown to man, that God may hear and understand" I have prayed for you, you husband and little Ellie. Especially as you sit in this long, hard wait. I am praying that you will hear hopeful news when you see the maternal-fetal med doc. We dealt with a six week wait to check the heart of one of my kids. I understand how torturous that wait can be. You are definitely, definitely in my thoughts and prayers!!

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  70. Jesus please heal this situation. Give little Ellie and her mommy and daddy a miracle. Give Ellie the strength to fight...to LIVE. We know You are holding that precious life in the palm of your hands. She is Yours, Lord. No matter what happens it is Your will. In Jesus name, Amen!

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  71. While different situations...
    I'm the mother of a <1% baby...
    and she'll turn 18 this November.
    This post gives you a brief look at what we went through...and I only post this so you will know that I was once a mom in need of prayers...http://itsapatchworklife.blogspot.com/2013/02/once-upon-time.html...
    but there's no way to put into the words the roller coaster of emotions you go through when in situations like this...
    you can only begin to understand if you've experienced them so my heart goes out to you and your husband.
    I'll keep you all in my prayers and hope that when you next meet with your doctors that the news is brighter and uplifting.

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  72. Sending up prayers for your sweet little family!! May our Great God surround you with his love and perfect peace during this time!! My heart goes out to you and I wish I could give you a hug right now my friend!!! Sending you hugs and lots of love!!

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  73. Such a precious name for a sweet little girl, Arabella Grace (Ellie for short)! Sending lots of prayers your way for you and your dear hubby to get through these tough days and weeks ahead. Sounds like Ellie is strong in many ways but may be small in stature. That's OK ~ look at all the preemies that grow fast and catch up to others their age. I'm remaining hopeful that God's healing hands will present you with this miracle child. God Bless You!

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  74. Sending hugs and prayers to you all (and keeping my fingers crossed as well). If it all gets too big and overwhelming, try to take it a minute at a time (that's one of my coping strategies to get through panic/anxiety).

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  75. All prayers and good thoughts on their way to all 3 of you. Keep talking to Ellie. She needs to hear your voice. She loves her mama and her daddy.

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  76. Just saw this... I am so sorry I hope all will get well and I will pray for this! Stay strong! she needs you to be strong and positive> Thinking of you. Amelie

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  77. Dear Lea and family,
    I am sending up prayers and good thoughts for you and your sweet girl. I'm always here if you need anything....even if it's just a medical question or to chat about the weather. I'm here and will check on you often.
    Love and God bless,
    Lisa

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  78. Praying that you and your families will feel God's peace throughout your wait; the peace that surpasses all human understanding, and give you strength. No matter what happens, God is sovereign, He is in control. Lean on Him, and may Jesus, who is our Healer, touch little Ellie. Sending love, and hugs, from me, to you.

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  79. I hope you feel the love of your family and friends and the many, many crafting friends you've never met, like me, who read your blog and love your stamping style. I will pray for you, your husband and your sweet little baby.

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  80. Oh Lea...I just read this and wanted you to know that you are surrounded in love. My heart is breaking for you but also full of hope for you and your little angel. Hugs, love, comfort, prayers, and my most tender of thoughts are with you.
    Melis

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  81. Hi Lea,

    I have been following your blog from PTI. My heart breaks for you, but be absolutely sure that no matter what the outcome is, you and your husband will have the strength and courage to deal with it, of course I as well as others who read this or comment will be wishing for a favorable one! Until then know that a piece of your heart is held in each of the hands of the people who either love or appreciate you! Keep calm and wish for the best! Sending you lots of love!

    Cariños,
    María Alba
    San Juan
    Puerto Rico

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  82. Praying for you, your family, and Ellie. Hugs!!

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  83. i am thinking of you and your family. I so admire how you were able to ask for what you need and it is something that I am happy to give. Doctors give information, God is the ultimate. Prayers coming your way.

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  84. Lea-prayers and thoughts to you and hubs!! My daughter had a miscarriage around Memorial Day and it was devastating to her and to us!! We had dreamed, picked out names, did some shopping...I know you understand what I am saying. Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and praying.

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